August 18, 00

ACID 42'S THEORY OF BIG MAC SAUCE

My hypothesis is this: No matter where you bite into a McDonald's Big Mac (TM), the most sauce is always on the other end.

Try it.

Unwrap that double-layered sandwich and randomly rotate. Take a bite from whatever end you like, and I assure you that the majority of the orange mayo / sandwich spread / tartar sauce concoction on which the burger patties lie will always be at the other end of your initial bite.

It's not affected by gravity either, as I immediately assumed. Because I tried eating a Big Mac while keeping it perfectly parallel to the table I was seated at. True, you inevitably tilt the damn thing when it enters your mouth, but that can be counterbalanced with a little forethought. So, count out the idea that the sauce slips to the end farthest away from you.

What can explain this anomaly then?

I went up to a McDonald's staff member one day and asked her why this was, and she only shrugged, totally baffled by my train of thought. She quickly dismissed my presence and went back to mopping the floor I had just dirtied with my muddy boots.

I asked askjeeves.com and all he could give me were a couple of links that proved to be dead ends.

So I am at a loss suddenly. Confronted by this primal mystery of the universe, I am dumbstruck. And can only continue wolfing down these sandwiches until I can come up with an answer that is just as satisfying.

Anyone out there with an answer? Send it over.

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