SHY GUY
Oh Mercy, Mercy, Mercy, Here Comes The Torpe
By Lionel Zivan S. Valdellon

published in Cosmopolitan Philippines: October 1998


Torpe (n.): Filipino noun meaning (1) shy; (2) gutless; (3) wallflower; usu. referring to males.

Way back in high school, I remember being introduced by a mutual friend to a girl named Anna. She had walked over from the Maryknoll College campus (now it’s Miriam College) to invite me to her junior prom. It didn’t help that she arrived as I was sweeping the floor to the high school theater and I was dripping in sweat. Neither did it help that she was so comfy in the presence of guys. She was sweet and talkative and I was really… well, utterly at a loss. I didn’t WANT to go to any stiff prom where everyone wore formal clothes and tried to charm everyone else. I ended up offering some flimsy excuse about an out-of-town family trip during her prom weekend. And she offered a light-hearted “Oh, too bad. Anyway, nice to meet you, and God bless.” It was the ‘God Bless’ that killed me. In my mind, I was kicking myself in the shins for passing up a date with attractive, religious Anna and her bright smile. What a loser.
___ A lot’s changed since those days but not all that much. See, deep inside I’m still cowardly--- a condition referred to as ‘torpe’ --- and here’s where you find out why:

FEAR AND LOATHING
Torpe guys are afraid of everything. Rejection, failure, ridicule--- you name it, we’ve feared it. Isn’t it logical in our goal-oriented society that someone who goes up to a girl and is brushed away is deemed a failure? Why risk the cold shoulder, or derisive laughter? Better to not try at all. It’s a self-actualizing prophecy that loops nonstop. We feel we might fail so if and when we get the guts to approach a girl, the thought of failure makes us stutter, look like a fool. It boils down to lack of self-esteem. If you think you aren’t worth much, you don’t amount to much.
___ Imagine what goes through the mind of a torpe guy who sees you at a bar one Saturday night? “She looks cool. I’d have to buy her a drink (here friends too). I’d have to chat her up. I’d have to convince her I’m not a lunatic. I’d have to charm her with humor. What were those jokes I got in my e-mail? What is I'm boring, or she thinks I'm a maniac or a slug? Arrggh..”

LAZYBONES
Here’s another reason: a lot of guys are lazy. Take my case: my high school classmates were bringing hair spray and styling gel to school because after dismissal, they’d traipse on down to Maryknoll to woo some women. Me? I figured I was too young to go steady with anyone. And why bother when college and its co-ed splendor was just a few years away? I wouldn’t have travel to visit them, they’d be classmates!
___ Guys like things easy. This is the reason why the remote control was invented, and why cup noodles had to be manufactured. And torpe guys? The less effort necessary to get what they want, the better. Unless of course we're too shocked by an Anna making the first move.

SOLUTION?
Don't get me wrong. Sometimes making the first move is the right way to shock a torpe guy from his destructive cycle, as it was in my case. It was after Anna had left that I realized...maybe I'm not all that worthless. (Hey, I can hear you snickering. Let me finish.) At the very least, I promised myself I'd never turn down another invitation to a ball...or bikini party.

See, sometimes all a guy (whether torpe or not) needs is to realize he's not as ugly as he may sometimes feel. Therefore, if you must refuse any guy's invitaions, do so gently. ("Sorry, I'm waiting for someone.") Leave the mace in the handbag. And if you're the type who gets invitations from guys all the time, just remember it takes twice the guts when it comes from the torpe guy in the corner.

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